BY SHAUNTEL SIMPER
The most nerve-wracking part about being assigned my first project at The X was the realization that all my grammar knowledge—everything I’d gained from school, tutoring, writing my own things—was being put to the ultimate test.
And let me tell you, that’s actually really terrifying. Everything I did, everything I altered on that word document, had actual, real-world effects.
While I was still under the tutelage of the editor-in-chief, I still felt like I had just been given a massive responsibility. As a result, coming across the first error on the page was a bit disconcerting.
I changed it; I took out a comma. Then I immediately proceeded to ctrl-z it.
Maybe it wasn’t wrong. What if that comma really was supposed to be there? What if the author thought I was a total nutcase for removing that comma? What if I got yelled at for removing the comma? What if this was secretly the last straw, and I got fired for removing the comma? What if, by taking out this little comma, I was going to irrevocably destroy the book’s sales, and the author would never be able to find work ever again?
Since my fears were obviously completely rational, I decided to ask my dear friend, Google, for advice. As usual, Google was the smart one in our relationship.
See, my whole life I’d heard the phrase “comma splice” but had never actually been given a firm definition. I had always been under the impression that it was just a term for when there was a random floating comma—something I had inexplicably seen many times during my days as a college tutor.
Comma Splice: when two independent clauses (or, for those who didn’t pay attention in English class, two phrases that could be complete sentences all on their own) are connected by only a comma.
For example, I could say this:
Twilight is a popular franchise, it is not very well-written.
But how do you fix something as unforgivable and detrimental to literature as this? (The comma splice; not Twilight. Come on, those jokes are, like, so five years ago.) There are a couple of ways; a conjunction, for example: and, but, or, yet, nor, etc.
Twilight is a popular franchise, yet it is not very well-written.
Much better. Another fix, especially for longer sentences, is to use a semi-colon. I can say:
The Hunger Games is notorious for using comma splices, some people can read it without getting a headache, I am not one of those people.
Or, I could say:
The Hunger Games is notorious for using comma splices; some people can read it without getting a headache, but I am not one of those people.
All right, one more time for good measure:
Joss Whedon is the best director in the whole world, everything he has made is completely devoid of flaws.
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Is it possible to make this statement more correct? Yes. Yes it is:
Joss Whedon is the best director in the whole world, and everything he has made is completely devoid of flaws.
Perfection!
Armed with this new knowledge, I went back to work and, after summoning my thirty seconds of courage, deleted the comma. Spoiler alert: the apocalypse was not summoned.
As it was, my action was correct. Unfortunately, I got a little too delete happy and started nixing commas that actually were necessary for storytelling and was, subsequently, reamed for it. (It was the nicest, sweetest, most polite reaming I’d ever experienced, however. Thankfully, the management here is very supportive.) But I’d learned something, and it turns out it was actually an important something:
I’m not as smart as I think I am, grammar is hard.
I’m not as smart as I think I am; grammar is hard.
[editor’s note: periods are our friends.] 🙂
Shauntel Simper is a recent graduate from Eastern Arizona College. Her first project, Shadow of the Last Men by J. M. Salyards, was released in September, 2013. Her next project, Shades and Shadows: a Paranormal Anthology, is slated for release on October 31, 2013.
